What I Learned While Getting A Haircut

1. I cannot, in any way, visualize the difference between a quarter inch and a half inch.
2. "Phish" is pronounced "feee-sah"
3. Teen boys get haircuts in groups. Apparently. 
4. The above fact annoys the crap out of me, for unknown reasons. 
5. Small talk with strangers is tiresome.
6. I want to open a place where you can get your haircut in silence, where the hairstylists/barbers are prohibited from speaking.

What I Learned About Myself Today

1. That I haven't posted to this blog in 15 months. 
2. That it took me an embarrassingly long time to do that math.
3. I'll be hot for several minutes before realizing I have a hoodie on, and that said hoodie is removable.
4. I would be one hell of a commencement speaker.

What I Learned About Dogs Today

New research says that Alaskan huskies are superior to most other mammals--including humans.

...each approximately 55-pound sled dog can burn up to ... the equivalent of 24 McDonald's Big Macs. A human would have to consume and efficiently process the equivalent of 72 Big Macs to fuel a day's Iditarod run.

Yeah, try to run a marathon in a blizzard after eating 72 Big Macs. G'head. I'll wait.

What I Learned About Texting Today

Some things I learned from Thumbspeak, a literary review of texting in the New Yorker:

• “Thanx” was first used in 1936.
• The average English word has only five letters. The average Inuit word has fourteen.
• Ethiopian has three hundred and forty-five symbols.
• Three hundred and forty-five symbols do not fit on most keypads.
• It is okay to end an article in the New Yorker with a sex joke.

How to Gird Your Loins

A simple primer on how to gird your loins.

Just another example of F/C bringing you news you can use.

What I Learned at the Dentist this Morning

1. Novocaine will let a man remove most of your tooth without you really noticing.
2. The Dutch know a good harbor when they see it.
3. Dental insurance is good. Not having dental insurance is bad.